Remember this later!

We've been riding a cloud of bliss over the last week and a half.  What does bliss look like?  It's children actively engaged in the work they've selected for themselves - making jewellery, identifying birds, baking together with play dough, climbing trees, playing games, noticing the hue of the clouds at dusk.  It's children who give some of their time and their talent to helping others.  It's sweet cherub faces that greet the day, happy smiles as we move through our family's loose semblance of rhythm, and lingering hugs as we tuck the last little one into bed.

 

 

Why do I write this today?  Because there were days before today that were not blissful.  I'm quite sure there will be days after today that will feel dull and grey.  But holding on to these pictures of bliss...these pictures that clearly illustrate the benefits of homeschooling...these pictures that remind us on the bad days of why we choose to do what we do...they can help pull us through the trough so we can ride the next wave of bliss.  I write about it so that I have tangible proof to look back on in a moment of frustration or self-doubt.  I write about it so that I can feel more confident that we are, at times, living that ambitious overarching philosophy neatly typed once upon a time in a written education plan for the school board.  I write about it, hopeful that in several years' time a pattern will emerge that shows the scales have tipped to many more days of bliss than days of marginally getting by.  That we've found our groove.  That we've hit our stride.  That we "get it".

Maybe there are too many variables that will crop up that we are not agile enough to overcome when it comes to living our philosophy every day.  That little thing called puberty might throw a mighty curve ball.  Relationships may change.  Maybe the children will simply want to go back to school.  For now though, knowing a long winter is making its way south to our little prairie city, it helps to look on the bright side and know that bliss can happen here.  We've seen it.  It felt brilliant.

Almost ready to inhale

That light at the end of the tunnel that was so dim and distant is getting closer now.  The season of being outside and active and busy with the good things of life is coming to an end - I can feel it now.  The last of the summer's fruit is ripening in boxes and is awaiting its next transformation into chutney and sauce and just plain canned fruit. 

All those green tomatoes we picked in a frenzy before the first frost are turning a beautiful hue of red and making their way into passata, pasta sauce and maybe even a tomato leather. 

The last football game of the year was played by my oldest, and we witnessed the evolution of a bunch of individuals into a cohesive unit fueled by camaraderie and a common goal. 

I can feel that soon it will be time to return within, refuel, and settle in to quieter times.  Time for contemplation and dreaming...time for holding those little ones close for just a wee bit longer...time to inhale and renew for the next trip around the sun.  Days will still be full, but I'm optimistic that the number of things that will require my attention simultaneously will be fewer.

Yes, there still is plenty to do...gardens to be cleaned up, winter clothes to be retrieved while shorts are quietly tucked away until next summer, a general all-around cleanup of the things that have been pushed to the side while we tend to more immediate needs.  But I can feel, perhaps out of hope, that the pace of life will be less frenetic.  I wonder if my children will feel it too, that final "ahhh" of the summer and the beginnings of the first in-breath of autumn.  That will be something to tune my senses into and chat about over a warm bowl of chili.  We talk much about the physical things that change around us as the seasons change, but do they feel it in their bones?  In their soul?  Yes, my curiosity is piqued.  I look forward to seeing what comes of that conversation in the days and years ahead.

A week's reflection

I find myself sitting at the table looking out into the dark, dark night, reflecting on the week that was and the week that will be.  Here's a glimpse...

  ~ gazing at the cherry jam that is resting on the counter, which I made this afternoon.  There is a box of canned cherries and dried cherries ready to go downstairs into our empty "open concept" cellar.  I hope we're able to fill it back up again. 
  ~ putting the final few things away from our week away at the lake, and feeling the desire to seriously de-clutter in the hope to make our lives simpler.  I'm thrilled to hear that my husband is taking a couple of days off to tackle the garage, though I was really hoping our basement could get double-teamed by us.
  ~ having mixed feelings about our garden.  The one at home is doing alright...the popcorn has reached the top of the fence and we've been treated to a few cherry tomatoes.  The community garden is looking a little on the sad side...too many weeds here, spotty plants there.  At least the beans are doing well.  I know both gardens have been neglected this year, but I'm not sure what the solution is at this moment.  Working hard to be thankful for what we have been able to grow.
  ~ taking a peak at a lesson planner (I found it free here).  It may be part of the solution for garden neglect.  I'm very much looking forward to writing "plan garden", "plant seeds" and "tend garden" into our days, in the hopes that it may happen.  Also looking forward to penciling in "project time".
  ~  admiring my daughter and how she will refuse to stay bored for long.  She's turned to art during the lulls in the day - painting yesterday and beading today.  Kim John Payne (author of Simplicity Parenting) definitely has it right - something interesting is right around the corner.
  ~ sending thoughts of light and peace to a friend in pain.
  ~ wondering what it will be like with two children away for the bulk of the next week.  Nicholas is attending a scout camp and Jaelyn is in a Chinese culture day camp.  The days will definitely be quieter...
  ~ looking forward to more preserving...blueberry roll-ups and jam, black forest sauce, perhaps some drunken cherries thrown into the mix (check out Put 'Em Up)

Wishing you a week of gratifying work and play!

Circle time

Now that summer is officially here (read:  above 30 degree days, sweltering nights, sunburns, swimming pools), it seems as though we've been as busy as ever.  Whether it be sharing a meal with friends in the park, scrambling to keep our garden well-watered, or doing our best to help family affected by flooding, we've been going from sun rise to sun set and rarely seem to be at home.  Or rather, it seems that the chairs around our kitchen table have been oddly vacant. 

We have had a few moments, however, where I've had an opportunity to start in on my summer reading list.  The first books I've started in on relate to the Waldorf philosophy (Understanding Waldorf Education, Waldorf Schools: Kindergarten and Early Grades).  Despite the fact that I think I have a basic understanding of the Waldorf philosophy, I feel like I have no clue as to how to put it into practical application, especially for the older grades.  I know there are curriculum packages out there that could help, but I am reluctant to make such a large purchase knowing that we would likely only take bits and pieces of it to actually use.  So deeper I dive and the more I research to get my head around how it all works and what a typical day would look like.

One thing we did last year (for about a week) was our version of a circle time.  I remember hauling a pumpkin upstairs and using it as a prop for a story I shared.  And then later on that week it felt like it took a lot of effort to get everyone to the same place at the same time in the morning.  By the time everyone was together and seated I lost any sense of organization and it wasn't this magical, grounding way to start the day I'd imagined.  Shortly after, circle time fell apart.

I started thinking about how to bring circle time back after my last stint of research.  And then it hit me...perhaps circle time can be a little different than how I had originally envisioned it.  Perhaps not all of the children are present for circle time, although all would be welcome if they chose to attend.  Perhaps the type of circle time that I feel comfortable leading is one that meshes well with my youngest two children.  A circle time where we sing and dance and tell stories or share poems with props.  This way, my littlest one gets a wee bit of time focused her way before I start formal school work with the older children.  We get to move our bodies a bit before settling down to the morning's work.  We all receive a message to reflect upon before we jump into the rest of the day.

And then I thought about what my oldest might be up to if he chooses not to join circle time.  And I realized it could be entirely up to him.  He could start on the self-directed portion of his school work.  He could choose to spend the time working on projects that are meaningful to him.  He could read or draw during circle time and then spend time with his littlest sister.  Or maybe I could take the guesswork out of it and we could sit down so he could tell me what he would like his mornings to look like. 

Whatever ends up happening as we move forward, I'm very grateful for the space summer is presenting to us so we can explore possibilities to make our homeschooling experience even more enriching and enjoyable.

Looking forward to the year ahead

The last of the spring activities has come and gone now.  Ball equipment has been moved out of our mudroom, with the exception of a sole ball and glove in each child's cubby hole.  We've had a few days now to catch our breath.  I take a deep exhale and feel my shoulder blades ease their way down my back.  We have a lazy long weekend ahead of us.  And I'm loving the quiet moments here now as my children play at the playground with their father.  Oh, it's been awhile since I've had the house entirely to myself.  Loving it.

We've had a great year together, in this first year of homeschooling, and I find my mind wandering back to what we've done and where we'll go next year.  Oh, there were moments when I was low on energy and not at my best.  There were times when I wondered if this was the best decision for my family.  The children did some great projects and we met some amazing people.  I feel blessed to have had such an intimate seat to witness my children's learning from.

And now I turn my attention toward next year, for I'm happy to say the overwhelming majority chose to continue on this homeschooling path!  I'm looking forward to adding more rhythm to our days, as I found it difficult to navigate our days, especially in the last several months.  To do this, I plan to take the time to organize our days, weeks, and months in advance.  Nothing specific like, "we will learn about birds on the 15th of September".  But I will make sure that all of us are aware of the field trips, errands, activities, and other items that fill our calendar so quickly.  I will carve out spaces in our calendar for things that are important to us...project time, time outside, empty time where my children can simply grab an idea or a whim and let it take them on an adventure of the loud or quiet variety.  While this may sound overly restrictive, my intent is to provide some predictability to our days.  To provide a rhythm that we can move through our days to.  To bring about a sense of peace when it often seems that we are wobbling on a tightrope and are about to fall into chaos.

And perhaps this summer can be our practice time for developing a rhythm that works for us.  Because right now, our calendar feels gloriously empty.  We have the space to build our days from the ground up.  I have the freedom to exert discipline on myself to hold sacred the rhythm we create.  I'll be spending some lazy days reading and re-reading some books to focus myself (Simplicity Parenting, Project-Based Homeschooling, Rhythm of Family, Seven Times the Sun, All Year Round, Heaven on Earth).  I'll play around with some schedules to see how they look.  I'll start gathering materials now, and also schedule in time for gathering later.  I'll do a better job recording what topics my children seem to be enjoying and get some feedback on what they want to learn.  I'll start researching resources and projects now so that I don't feel drained when we wrap up one topic and are moving onto the next.

Even with all this organization, which I admit sounds a little too hyper-organized on paper, I will remind myself to keep flexible.  I'll remind myself to pause and re-look at our education plan to make sure we're keeping with the philosophy we aspire to.  I'll remind myself to listen to my children and their needs.  And I'll remind myself to listen to my own inner voice, and give myself the space I need to give my children the best of me.

Spring training

There is about a month and a half until opening day for my fastball league.  But from the looks of things, opening day may be postponed a bit.

Nevertheless, we take ourselves indoors to get some of the dust off the gloves and bats, and the cobwebs out of those creaky shoulders and knees.  On my team, I've somehow become the person who finds the gym and organizes these practices.  While I am more than happy to find the gym, I'm less enthusiastic about telling adults what to do.  And often, as our team gets older and more busy caring for others, we have a small turnout.

In past years, I would be discouraged by the number of girls who would come out.  I would wonder what I could do differently in organizing the practices to encourage more participation.  I would take it personally when our numbers dwindled.  I would beg for suggestions of fresh drills and activities, and often hear silence.

This year, something clicked for me and I feel I've been able to let go of that burdensome feeling.  During a fleeting and rare tranquil moment, it is the same people who opt out of spring training.  Those who want to be there and see value in preparing for the season to come will be there.  Those who don't see the value, and don't step up to create something that will add value to them won't show up, no matter what I do.  So, instead of trying to create a practice for those who likely won't show anyway, I created a practice for me.  Drills that will get my feet moving, get my coordination back, and help me be a better player.  Drills that will make me faster, and increase my endurance so that I can still feel pretty good in the 7th inning in the final game of a tournament. 

As a result, we touched on more areas more efficiently today that we have over the past few seasons of spring trainings combined!  Added to the standard requiem of batting, fielding, and throwing were core and lower body work, agility and speed training.  In the past, I would have feared the response from the team if I suggested we run lines or do lunges.  Today, I felt satisfied with what we worked through.  Because, really, there will be a team of players on the field in the 7th inning of a final game, not just me.  What benefits me will benefit all.

And how does this tie to homeschooling?  It's a reminder that what I value and find important may not carry the same weight with my children.  I can try to enter into discussions with them, influence them, and set an example for them.  At the end of the day though, they have their own minds and they are developing their own beliefs.  They are working through which values resonate most strongly  and which ones can be dropped when need be.  I need to respect their decisions, and always offer them an risk-free "lifeline" if it's wanted.  And, I need to remember that the only person I can control is me, and that taking steps to live the authentic life that I want and need can feel awesomely liberating.

Today

Now that the excitement of parties and a holiday weekend are behind us, I'm feeling grateful for the space in this week.  The calendar is fairly empty, while I know that the week after this one is overflowing and is more than one person can handle on her own (my hubby is out of town that week).  So, today I want to spend some of this free time planning for the week that will be upon us soon.  I'm...

  ...writing up lesson plans for the four learning sessions I'll be facilitating next week.  I only do these when there will be a larger group of children, and often when we are outside our home and things need to be packed and taken with us.

  ...putting together a grocery list for this week and for next so that we can easily pick up everything we need to nourish these bodies of ours.

  ...brainstorming story ideas for the next Birds of Prey Club meeting.

  ...calling relatives for help on the days or evenings I can't do by myself.

  ...preparing packing lists so my children can pack things for themselves.

  ...doing a bit of knitting to calm some of the anxiety that is slowly starting to seep into my day as I think of the week ahead.

  ...getting excited for our local homeschooling convention as I peruse the workshop descriptions and get ideas from my children for the types of books, activities, or resources they'd like me to bring home with me.

  ...vowing to be in bed earlier tonight, and this week.

Almost there

My son is a Cub Scout, and we've been encouraging him to pick a badge or two that he would like to earn. The pick that he has been working on for quite some time now is the World Conservation badge.  I had hoped that he would be motivated to find time to work on it on his own, but that really wasn't happening.  Through talking with him, I realized that while he was eager to earn the badge, he didn't know how to fit it into his days and would consistently claim that he ran out of time in his day to get around to it.  While I know at an intellectual level that he was benefiting from unstructured free time, he had set a goal and was struggling to focus on it.  He also didn't know how to gather all the information for the badge requirements, even though there was quite a bit that he knew already. I didn't know how to support him.

The requirements that he chose to complete were pretty comprehensive and I would imagine they could be daunting for a child in grade 4.  He was to hike around two distinct ecoregions and compare and contrast the plants, animals and insects that live there.  In addition, he was to learn a bit about the soil in each region, water sources, and hypothesize how changes in temperature could impact the ecoregion.  Lastly, he was to discuss the food web for one of the ecoregions.  Quite a tall order!


We sat down together about three weeks ago to look at what he had finished and what was left.  Then, we broke the work that was left into even smaller pieces and he told me when he would commit to completing each smaller step. We agreed on what my role would be to support him, and the work that he was expected to do on his own.

At the same time, we also started writing out the chores and schoolwork we expected he would complete each week, including the work on the World Conservation badge.  And, we laid out consequences for not completing the work.  By the end of the day on Friday, we would sit down to see if he had finished all the items on the list.  We would also consider and discuss his effort level.  If all was done and done with a good level of effort, then great!  Kudos all around!  If not, then Nicholas would need to stay at home to complete the work and miss extracurricular activities until it was done.     

This exercise has reduced the tension that seemed to arise daily.  I am no longer nagging at him every day to get to it.  He is in full control and makes decisions about how he will spend his time.  We have a chance to talk about what he needs from me early in the week so that I'm not surprised or I have enough notice to accommodate his requests.  He knows about little nuances in our schedules so that he can do a little extra one day in order to enjoy other activities.  We are spending more time together to work on his schoolwork and projects because I better understand what he needs from me. 

Today was a perfect example.  He had requested a trip to the museum a week ago to learn more about the flora and fauna that live where he had recently hiked.  It was penciled in on the calendar...and then the trip fell through when everyone fell ill.  So, we rescheduled for this morning, and he worked ahead in his schoolwork on Monday and Tuesday to compensate for not doing it today. 

He's planning to present his work as a food web, where he had written the names of plants, animals and insects on a board and then hammered nails by each label.  Then, he can easily use a piece of yarn, string or twine to show who eats what.  Here's one he finished for the Bay of Fundy, which we toured last summer:

It's such a great feeling when a goal is achieved.  Being almost there, and knowing just a little bit more work until it's all wrapped up, feels pretty good too. 

Smiling

Things that made me smile today...

  ~ Fixing an oops in the knitting project I'm working on instead of having to rip it out and start again

  ~ Being in awe as Jaelyn dabbled with expressionism

  ~ Enjoying the busy sounds of little ones experimenting with balloon rockets
  ~ Checking out Jaelyn's art in a youth exhibition at a local art gallery
  ~ Brainstorming ideas for Nicholas' World Conservation badge project
  ~ The slow cooker that had a warm, delicious meal ready for us when we returned home today
  ~ Listening to my littlest one singing "One for my Baby" by Frank Sinatra

  ~ Overhearing excited chatter as a little one returned home from his Scout meeting

I'm so thankful for the joys in our life.

Into the thick of it

Well, now that all the reveries into past and future are done, it's time to be fully in the present.  And in the present we are.  It seems that all the activities that we were on hiatus from for a month are now knocking on the door.  Plus a few new ones have been added to the mix.  I almost cringed as I turned the weekly calendar page, as we went from a week with very few markings to many.  On paper, it looks like bodies are moving in all directions.

In the fall, I felt like our pace of life was pretty reasonable, and I'm scratching my head as to why things feel so hectic now.  In truth, both children are only doing one more activity than they did in the fall, and they are doing it together at the same time and in the same place.  Perhaps it is because we have notices of new events entering our inbox more often and find ourselves torn but ultimately saying "no" to more - just the act of saying "no" signals that we are tapped out or short on time.  Perhaps it is because we've needed to figure out what we're doing in the spring at the same time that we're registering for activities for the winter.  Perhaps it is the extras that have hit the calendar - like Scouting camps and activities, a trip to visit relatives, clubs that meet occasionally.  Or maybe this is just how it always feels when returning to the fray after blissfully empty moments of time during the holidays.

As I was perusing my reading list, I was struck by the timeliness of an article from the author of Project-Based Homeschooling.  It discusses the huge value of granting a child (or an adult, for that matter) time to dive deeply into a given topic.  One of the reasons my son was dissatisfied with his school experience was because he was often being dragged away from following his intense, passionate interests.  As I imagined a hectic winter, I was only focused on how it impacted me.  I didn't even consider how it would be impacting the children.

So here we are, half a year into our rookie year.  I'm again mindful of my ongoing shaky walk to cover all aspects of balance in providing an environment for an enriching learning experience - balance between learning some fundamentals (math and language arts) and giving the children room to follow their interests; balance between learning from me and learning from other experts in our community; balance between private time and time with others.  And now this very timely article sends another spiral of questions my way.  If I give them time to explore a topic and they don't really use it to deep dive (but would prefer to use it to fight with one another), how do I right the ship?  Am I, indeed, giving them enough time?  Should I be looking for something tangible at the end of a dive, or during a dive?  How can I tell the difference between the "book" facts and "made-up" facts that my children share with me, and gently ask my children to consider the sources of their information?

I don't have any answers now.  I do know that I will strive to protect and honour my children's free time.  I will listen to my gut, for it often a reliable compass.  I will trust that my children are experts at learning and they will follow their passions.  I will accept that how they go about following their interests may look different that my preconceived notions.  I will be gentle and accepting of all of us.

A little farther out

I'm almost at the end of my annual look forwards and backwards (life vision, a retrospect into the year that was, and short-term goals for this new year).  Today my mind drifts a little farther out - into the five- to ten-year horizon.  The pictures are a little hazier out here - they're just blurry snapshots, rather than the vivid videography of what 2013 could look like.

I've been finding myself in a reverie about a farm more and more often.  Not a large farm - just enough land to provide all that we need.  In these utopian dreams we have everything we could ask for - land for a few animals to graze...a large garden...trees to provide firewood and a wonderful outdoor playspace and maybe even maple syrup if we're lucky... an orchard (or at least room for an orchard).  Oh, did I mention the gentle brook that winds its way through the property?  Or the charming century-old farmhouse?  Or how there are gentle breezes in the summer to cool us and the winters don't get too cold - just a brief sprinkling of snow around Christmas time?

Yes, I think about this farm often - while folding laundry I wonder if there would be a point in raising sheep if I don't think there will be enough hours in the day to turn that wool into yarn...I drift off with pasturing chickens and collecting eggs on my mind as I do the dishes...I weigh the work of raising dairy animals against the work of maneuvering a heavy shopping cart through a busy supermarket, as the cart slides uncontrollably through the parking lot and the milk cartons fall from my cart into the snow.

Moving to a farm would be such a big leap it is in the category of unimaginable.  We are city slickers through and through, and I suspect that helping butcher chickens at the tender age of 10 doesn't quite count as legitimate work experience.  While I understand intellectually that the work would be backbreaking, the days would be long, and all the romance I've conjured up ignores the tedious chores to be done, I haven't experienced how close it can come to breaking one's spirit.

We're closer to 40 than 30 now, and I wonder whether these weak bodies could handle the rigors of farm life.  I wonder how we could make it all work in every possible aspect of our lives.  How can one inexperienced adult and her children do all that work?  Where would this mythical farm be?  Close to home?  Far far away?  How do we take care of aging folks?  How do we maintain strong relationships between our children and their grandparents?  How do we get the occasional alone time we need without those much-needed and appreciated supports?

So where does all that leave us?  It leaves us with time to do more research about what is out there.  It gives us time to look at our financial situation and brainstorm different scenarios for income.  It leaves us time to find a mentor to teach us about how to do all those farming things we don't know how to do (or don't know exist).  It leaves us time to slowly increase the scale of our own garden and teach our children how they can help it to grow, harvest it, and put it up for the winter.  Perhaps in a few years, once Astrin is a little bigger, we can provide some labour in our own CSA, or perhaps we can use a family trip to become WWOOFer's. 

Other dreams tend to come and go, often depending on imbalances in my life.  I do dream of taking working holidays and volunteering to help those in need.  I do sometimes think of getting back into my profession.  I also sometimes think about honing my writing practice and seeing where it takes me.  There's plenty of time for all these aspirations.  For now, I'll keep moving in baby steps, keeping these larger hopes in the backdrop as I do my best to be mindful of the time at hand.

The year to come

After dreaming big and looking backwards, I'm now thinking about goals and ideas that are almost close enough to touch.  These are the things I would like to check off my to-do list in the next year...they are the little baby steps that when put together add up to a lot.  Plus, to satisfy my "business" brain, I think it will be fairly easy to evaluate at the end of the year whether I achieved these goals or if they didn't pan out.

I mentioned yesterday how there were two main challenges I wanted to address this year.  The first was self-care.  To me, self-care means taking care of my body so that it will be stronger and more resilient as I get older.  It means taking care of my mind and heart so that I can greet the day with a smile.  By taking care of myself, I will be better able to take care my little ones.  Staying active and healthy as I get older will also inspire my little ones to take care of themselves, as they see that it is just something that we do in our house - it is normalized.

So what exactly does taking better care of myself look like?  First, it looks like going to bed at a more reasonable hour.  That way, I can get up 45 minutes earlier to fit in a workout before the children get up.  My workouts are varied - I alternate between doing yoga and either running or spinning.  To keep me motivated, I'm planning to sign up for a mini triathlon (scheduled for June) and a 10 kilometer run (scheduled for September).

I also want to give more attention to my relationship with my husband.  We've been like two ships passing in the night, which isn't a good way to keep something good strong.  Part of it has been increased travel and a new role on his end, and mine has been squeezing those hours after the children go to bed for all their worth.  We're working on setting aside at least one night a month to go out together...alone.  Date nights for January and February are set.   We've also planned a family vacation for March, which will help us all connect a little better with this wonderful man in our lives.

What else is on the list for this year?  There are plans to expand the garden and process more of our food this year (as we try to help the Earth just a little more).  I'm planning to enjoy working with my hands by knitting up a sweater for me, sewing some awesome clothes for little ones here who continue to grow, and continuing to make homemade gifts for our loved ones (sending out lots of love vibes to those we hold dear).  It is my wish to continue learning this homeschooling gig with my children (because really, the world must be a better place in that very instant that a child is born, and it's up to us to model parenting and give them a childhood worth savouring so the next generation can benefit as well).

Yes, this list of goals for the year will lead to full days.  If something comes up and a goal needs to be postponed to another time, that's fine.  The definition of success may need to be adjusted to accommodate whatever life has thrown at us.  The goals aren't meant to restrict grabbing opportunities when they come up or be so inflexible that I feel bound and chained by them.  The point of the goals is to provide some focus and direction when making decisions about how I use my time.  Like I said, these are my small baby steps towards that life vision.    

A glance behind

Yesterday I wrote about dreaming big and reaffirming my life vision as we roll into the new year.  While those dreams were future-oriented, I've also been reflecting on the year that was.  There have been successes, challenges and surprises.   There have been old cherished traditions kept alive and new ones added to the mix. 

Why do I spend a few moments looking backwards?  Part of the reason for looking in the rearview mirror is to see where we've come from and how we've grown.  The other part of the reason is to acknowledge areas I've struggled with and resolve to make changes to lessen their impact.

It makes my heart feel light, even gleeful, as I think about how my hands, heart and mind have worked together in ways they never have before.  I've learned to be more authentic in how I mother my children.  In fact, I feel that I've been privileged to observe the inner workings of these precious children - I'm experienced them like I never have before.  I've felt a peace settle over our home.  We've all learned by doing.  We've met new friends.  We've opened up the space to experiment and take chances, and we've made this place called home safe for flops to happen.  These are characteristics I want to make sure stick around in the coming year - and the first step to doing that well is to articulate and acknowledge them.

When I consider the challenges, I do not berate myself and feel down about them.  Rather, I like to consider the source of those challenges and whether adjustments need to be made so they don't happen as often.  As I think back on the past year, I can classify all the little things under one big banner - balance.  Our decision to homeschool was a big change for us.  It has definitely been with its rewards, and it has also moved to my attention to being focussed solely on the children.  As a result, I've neglected taking care of myself or my relationship with my sweetheart.  I feel the strong desire to raise my children, yet my mind reminds me that it takes a village to raise children and it is essential that they grow in a warm circle of caring, compassionate fellow "villagers".

Tomorrow I'll write about goals for the next few years, and we'll see how those big dreams and the glance backwards come together. 

Life vision

I like the act of removing last year's calendar and putting up the new one, especially when there isn't a single mark in it.  The year is wide open to us - no perceived commitments, places to go, items to be checked off the list.  A new calendar signals a fresh start, and grants permission for a mama like me to set aside some time to revel in dreaming about the year and years to come.

I've been finding little niches of time here and there to put pen to paper and articulate my dreaming.  And the first place my thoughts carried me was to what my vision of my life was.  The question itself is simple - when my time left on this Earth is over, what do I want to have left behind?  What do I want my legacy to be?  What is the end that I want to move towards, so that I can better spend my life energy?

I love this big-picture stuff, which I think I've always been good at but didn't really know it until near the end of my paid working days.  In my younger years, I remember knowing with absolute certainty where I wanted to be in five-years time and then laying out the path to get there.  Later on, I remember the luxury of hours researching trends, stakeholder needs, and being able to see the future of my department with such clarity.  In dreams, and in the future, things can be just about perfect.

The difference between those dreams and the ones I have now is that my time horizon is much longer.  I'm not confined to a five year strategic plan.  I (hopefully) have lots of time to take action to live out my vision.  Which means that my life vision needs to be broader than "earn a Chartered Accountant designation".  And I'm not confined to just one aspect of my life that I hold dear - whether it be caring for my family, caring for our Earth, living creatively, or being a productive member of society.  It needs to be a vision that brings all that together.

Some experts believe it takes a lot of time to craft a simple, meaningful vision statement.  And perhaps it does - maybe the fact that I haven't been writing down all my ideas and options misleads me in the amount of time I've spent pondering my life vision statement.  But in all my thinking and dreaming, I knew I'd found the statement that resonated with me most the second it entered my head.  My vision statement:

"I will use my life energy to make the world a better place."

I know this vision statement isn't laced with lingo, likely isn't remotely original, and lacks a way to objectively measure how well it's been achieved.  I simply shrug my shoulders at these minor inconveniences - indeed, I smile when I see my life vision statement in print.  It fills me with hope and promise.  It makes it worth getting up tomorrow morning.  It lets me stay true to my utopian soul.  It speaks to me.  It gives me room to maneuver and for it to remain unwavering, regardless of what twists and turns life throws onto the road.  I feel in my bones and deep in my soul that I've got my life vision right, as I consider that it hasn't changed over the past few years - it fits like a favorite pair of jeans. 

What's your life vision?

Quiet

Today was a quiet day at our house.  We all needed some space to recover from a few too many late nights in a row.  While that didn't exactly mean sleeping in for all, it did mean some quieter activities in our house, which I think is just the balance we need before the coming days of visiting with some special people and all the excitement that comes with the season.  Quiet also gave me some emotional space that I need, as I find my heart heavy and my thoughts linger on those little ones and their families in Connecticut.

What did quiet mean for us today?

  ~ the camera stayed put away today
  ~ shaving beeswax while Astrin gathered it in a measuring cup
  ~ teaching Nicholas and Jaelyn the basics of needle-felting
  ~ serving leftovers for lunch and supper
  ~ an after-supper walk in the brisk wintery darkness
  ~ playing Christmas carols on the piano while the children dried the dishes in harmony

Wishing you a quiet, soulful countdown in this last week before Christmas.

Sharing day

Today was the last allowance day of 2012.  And what a lengthy allowance day it was.  It was a day for sorting coins, counting change, trading up those coins for paper money, and doing some sharing.

My children get their allowance twice a month.  There is nothing tied to this allowance - they do not need to do their chores, "be good", or anything else.  And while most of their allowance money is theirs to spend, we expect them to set aside a small amount for saving and another small amount for sharing with others.  If they receive money through the year, they are also asked to consider what amount of it will be reserved for saving and sharing.

The saving amount is "for a rainy day", and hopefully the rainy day comes when they no longer need to do paid work to support themselves financially.  Ideally, they will continue this practice when they get older and will (relatively) quickly set aside enough money to live off the interest or dividends of their investments.  Today, to encourage that practice, we counted up their savings and made sure it got into their bank accounts.

Then we talked about the sharing money they collected through the year.  Each of the children had an opportunity to consider what cause they would like to help and my husband and I matched their donation.  We started this practice when they were relatively young, when they really didn't know what a charitable organization was. To make it easier for them, we asked if they would like to help people, animals or the Earth.  From there, we would ask more probing questions (would you like to help people who are sick?  Who can't find a home?  Who can't afford food?  What kind of animal would you like to help?).  Then, we could offer suggestions and take them to websites to see what would be a suitable match.

I should also be quick to mention that this doesn't necessarily always happen at the end of the year.  If we run across a fundraising initiative that the children are interested in supporting, we'll happily open our sharing jars.  We do, though, traditionally do larger donations during the holiday season and this year kept with that tradition.

Lastly, my husband and I selected several organizations that we would like to support.  We find it important to also do these actions that we encourage of the children.  There are so many charities that do such wonderful work.  We had quite a deep discussion about where our support could be used most...local organizations, particularly those that don't have the large budget for advertising or aren't the media darlings, despite the tremendous work they do...strong national or international organizations that can advocate from a position of strength for environmental concerns...helping those who are victimized in war-torn countries...

While I know that our tokens of support are small in the scheme of things, I cling to the hope that small actions can make the world a better place, and that we can encourage three kind-hearted, generous souls to believe sharing with others is deeply meaningful.

Adventures in knitting

Ooh, this post has been a long time coming.  I'm even embarrassed that it is so late in the evening that I write this.  But, I'm happy to say that one more item will be under the Christmas tree tomorrow morning (bringing the grand total up to three).  I'm pretty sure the receiver of this gift won't be poking his nose around here, so I feel safe to share.

A while back, Nicholas and I were flipping through Taproot - Issue 3 :: Retreat together and we stumbled across the pattern for some mittens.  He mentioned that he liked them and would like to try making them sometime.  So, seeing as I would likely be the one teaching him, and suspecting that other things will likely distract him from making them, I set out to make them for him.

Feeling a little cocky from my elevated knitting status (I think I promoted myself from beginner to novice a couple of months ago), I decided to make an attempt at using double pointed needles to knit in the round.  The YouTube tutorial made it look easy enough, so I tried to dive right in.  And I found a wonderful tutorial to help me with making the thumbhole.

Well, I now know that I am firmly entrenched in "novice" mode.  As I was knitting the first mitten, I remember comparing the extra needles as mosquitoes buzzing around my hands as I tried to work.  As I worked the thumb, those extra needles became gossipy women getting in the way of my work, as they clanged together and simply felt like a nuisance.  I made mistakes that I haven't made since I knit Nicholas' baby boots ten years ago, and was authentically wondering how in the world those mistakes happened.  But now the mittens are done and ready to be wrapped and placed lovingly under the tree.

The mitts are by no means perfect.  In fact, it is quite easy to tell which mitten was knit first, as I was learning the ways of knitting in the round, and which came after I'd dealt with all the learning curve aches and pains.  But I intend to keep them as they are for now.  I would like Nicholas to see what can happen with practice - how one can learn and grow by leaps and bounds by being okay with mistakes, and practicing until it feels (almost) as natural as breathing.  Having a real, tangible, touchable example of learning through practice is actually quite a significant gift in itself.

Holiday mantra

It's funny how when you read something that inspires, intellectually at least, you often get an opportunity to practice that lesson in the real world shortly after.  Such an experience just occurred here over the last couple of days.

I love reading Amanda Blake Soule's blog, SouleMama.  Yesterday's post had a link to a post she had written about a year ago about making the holiday season simple and special.  My take-away from that post was that my children, and grown-ups for that matter, can sense the vibe I'm giving off and I need to be mindful of what that vibe is.  Am I being short and snappy with people because I've got too much going on and feeling the pressure of it that I don't realize the impact of my attitude?  Are there things that I think are must-dos but really wouldn't be noticed if I didn't do them?  What is the payoff that I'm getting for sacrificing the joy of the season.  What am I teaching my children by my behaviour?

So now, in the late hours of the evening, I'm sitting back and contemplating where I'm at.  Yes, I need some more rest.  I don't feel that awful churning in my gut that the list is too long or the pressure is too much (and I know that feeling well from past years).  I think we are pretty well balanced right now.  And I will need to keep being mindful in the days ahead to make sure this season of elving, festivities, family, friends and fun is still as magical as I would like it to be for those I love so much.

Yes, I think simple and special will be the mantra here.

Chore day

Most Tuesdays are chore day in our house.  It's the day where we spend some time in the morning to clean up this multipurpose place that we call home.  And it's not just me doing the cleaning - it's all of us (even Astrin sometimes).  One child will vacuum and the other will help clean the bathroom.  I'll play rover and do whatever needs to be done, in addition to helping in the bathrooms.  The children alternate tasks every week.

My husband and I believe that children benefit from learning how to do simple household chores, despite their protests otherwise.  After all, we don't have a janitor to clean up after us, like they would if they were in school and made their messes there.  They learn how to take care of family items, how to clean up after themselves, and they contribute significantly to their family's wellness.  They take pride in a job well done.

I've noticed that if we stick to a routine and are consistent with when chore day it, much less of a fuss is stirred up.  The children come to expect it.  We also prepare them for what is coming the next day as they prepare for bed.  They know that after breakfast it is time to do our chores and that once they're done, they have free time.  Here are some other things we do to take much whining and complaining out of the process:

  ~ Encourage singing or playing music, if that will make the time pass more enjoyably
  ~ Demonstrate how to do each task for the child and then give the child an opportunity to try
  ~ Recognize that each child is at a different stage of development and adjust the tasks to fit the child's abilities.  For example, I will offer more help to Jaelyn when she is doing the bathroom than Nicholas, because she is younger.  I will also gather materials for Jaelyn, while Nicholas is capable of getting them on his own.
  ~ Work alongside the child, even if doing a different task, to give the child the sense that we are all working together
  ~ Use products that will not harm little ones if spilled
  ~ Express gratitude and appreciation for the help

Staring down the Christmas list

When I was young, I was a big fan of Christmas.  I still am - I just love some aspects differently now, and there are some aspects I could pass on altogether.  Perhaps it's a sign of growing up.  Perhaps it's a sign of values that have shifted over the years.  Perhaps it is just a sign of time management!

My mind has been on Christmas a lot already!  Each year, as we allow ourselves to follow our intuition a little more and mindfully consider of the kinds of experiences we want to leave with the young ones in our lives, I spend much time contemplating the list of presents for nieces, nephews, and our own little ones.  Lists of things I'm capable of making for them and that they might find useful.  Lists of suggestions for others who show their affection for our children by placing an item under the tree for them.  And separate lists to help those loved ones avoid duplicates, as those wish lists tend to be quite short.

Every year, we are delicately dancing through the holiday season, trying to ensure balance.  We want our kids to feel in their hearts and souls how special the winter holidays are.  We feel the desire to show them how much we love them with thoughtfully selected gifts.  We want to maintain those activities or treats that the children look forward to.  On the flip side, we are also keenly aware that the season is also about togetherness and not just stuff.  Looking back on Christmases past, my husband and I each fondly and vividly remember the events and not so much the tangible stuff.

So today, I attempted to get organized.  I put together a chart listing who will be getting what and from whom.  It's nothing fancy - just pencil put to a piece of paper from our recycling bin.  It includes everyone - parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews, brothers, in-laws, gift exchanges - everyone.  I've noted what needs to be made and what needs to be purchased.  It allows me to see a few things.  One, whether we've hit what feels right in the "balance" department.  Two, it helps me make sure I only order one time from our favorite online stores.   Third, it makes me very aware that I'd better get started!