Wednesday, 15 May 2013

The cure

I feel as though today is one of those war days...where anything and everything is a battle.  The energy with which I started the week has quickly dissipated, and my heart has a heavy, melancholy feeling.

The source of this tired soul could be many...getting through the last several days on my own before my husband returns home...too many activities that find us on the go and unable to settle for a rest...the surprises that crop up and put our day out of its anticipated rhythm...realizing the mountain of work before us now that spring has truly burst forth. 

So, for now, I've asked one of the other children to watch Astrin while I prepare one of my favorite dishes for supper tonight...a tomato and green bean salad from Madhur Jaffray's World Vegetarian.  I'm soaking up the smells of our kitchen and savouring the quiet as it cooks.  I guess food like this is called soul food for a reason, for it nourishes not only our bodies but our psyches as well.

And, as I find myself in a moment of peace, I wonder if practicing some gratitude can help lift that melancholy grip on my spirit.  Here goes...

  ~ I'm grateful for all the help I've had this week - I can't imagine how we could have coped without it.
  ~ I have enjoyed our daytime and evening adventures, once they started, as have my children.
  ~ I'm grateful that our days have enough space in them for surprises, for we very much looked forward to the creativity that could flow out of unstructured time when we started this homeschooling journey.
  ~ I'm grateful that we can grow our own food and can enjoy it's bounty.  And grateful that my children consider a trip to the greenhouse a field trip.
  ~ I'm thankful that my children enjoy one another and will spend time with one another.
  ~ I'm blessed with an abundance of food in our freezer, which comes in handy at times when the fridge is bare.
  ~ I'm thankful for the kind and supportive words of a friend.
  ~ I'm grateful for the opportunity to have a front-row seat as my children test their real and perceived boundaries and grow into the selves they are destined to be.

And how does it feel now?  Not completely cured, but definitely uplifted.  Feeling able to respond to children with a smile and kind words.  Feeling space within me opening slightly so that peace can penetrate more deeply.  Feeling ready to work with my children from a place of love.

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