There are moments that I'm so humbled to witness and where I feel in awe of the incredible complexity of my children. The moment I experienced today blows my mind so much that I struggle to put into words what I saw in the window to the soul of my littlest Astrin.
All started out very harmless and routine. I was helping Astrin on to the potty. I usually sing to her while she sits, and for whatever reason, I sang Mr. Moon this time. Here's how it goes:
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
You're out to soon
The sun is still in the sky
Go back to bed
And cover up your head
Until the day goes by
As I finished the song, she frowned. Then she asked me to sing it again. This time, she frowned and her lower lip pushed out into a little bit of a pout. But again, she asked for an encore. Her eyes looked troubled. After the fourth song, she couldn't contain it any more. She burst into tears. I held my little one as she sobbed into my shoulder. "No go bye," she wailed. Now I understood. She thought I was singing of a farewell, which very well could be tearful.
"Oh, baby," I crooned as I wiped those very real, sad tears away and rubbed her back. "It's not good-bye. It's just come back a little later. Rest for a little longer. Get a little bit more sleep until night time."
Our conversation took a turn as she became very concerned about the whereabouts of her cousins and aunt. Where were they? she demanded to know. While I told her factually where they were, in retrospect, perhaps telling her they were safe and we would see them again soon would have been more helpful to her. I don't know.
Such strong emotions for such a little one who often happily relishes the role of being the baby of the family and all the silly, clownish stunts being the baby entails. Did I catch a glimpse of empathy for a moon being cast out? Or sincere sadness for the farewell of a friend? Or relating farewells in a song to the absence of family that she adores? Again, I don't know. I do know that I am thankful for the reminder of the fragile souls, hearts and minds that I live, learn, and grow with every day, and that they need and deserve every ounce of love and support that I can give them.