A little farther out

I'm almost at the end of my annual look forwards and backwards (life vision, a retrospect into the year that was, and short-term goals for this new year).  Today my mind drifts a little farther out - into the five- to ten-year horizon.  The pictures are a little hazier out here - they're just blurry snapshots, rather than the vivid videography of what 2013 could look like.

I've been finding myself in a reverie about a farm more and more often.  Not a large farm - just enough land to provide all that we need.  In these utopian dreams we have everything we could ask for - land for a few animals to graze...a large garden...trees to provide firewood and a wonderful outdoor playspace and maybe even maple syrup if we're lucky... an orchard (or at least room for an orchard).  Oh, did I mention the gentle brook that winds its way through the property?  Or the charming century-old farmhouse?  Or how there are gentle breezes in the summer to cool us and the winters don't get too cold - just a brief sprinkling of snow around Christmas time?

Yes, I think about this farm often - while folding laundry I wonder if there would be a point in raising sheep if I don't think there will be enough hours in the day to turn that wool into yarn...I drift off with pasturing chickens and collecting eggs on my mind as I do the dishes...I weigh the work of raising dairy animals against the work of maneuvering a heavy shopping cart through a busy supermarket, as the cart slides uncontrollably through the parking lot and the milk cartons fall from my cart into the snow.

Moving to a farm would be such a big leap it is in the category of unimaginable.  We are city slickers through and through, and I suspect that helping butcher chickens at the tender age of 10 doesn't quite count as legitimate work experience.  While I understand intellectually that the work would be backbreaking, the days would be long, and all the romance I've conjured up ignores the tedious chores to be done, I haven't experienced how close it can come to breaking one's spirit.

We're closer to 40 than 30 now, and I wonder whether these weak bodies could handle the rigors of farm life.  I wonder how we could make it all work in every possible aspect of our lives.  How can one inexperienced adult and her children do all that work?  Where would this mythical farm be?  Close to home?  Far far away?  How do we take care of aging folks?  How do we maintain strong relationships between our children and their grandparents?  How do we get the occasional alone time we need without those much-needed and appreciated supports?

So where does all that leave us?  It leaves us with time to do more research about what is out there.  It gives us time to look at our financial situation and brainstorm different scenarios for income.  It leaves us time to find a mentor to teach us about how to do all those farming things we don't know how to do (or don't know exist).  It leaves us time to slowly increase the scale of our own garden and teach our children how they can help it to grow, harvest it, and put it up for the winter.  Perhaps in a few years, once Astrin is a little bigger, we can provide some labour in our own CSA, or perhaps we can use a family trip to become WWOOFer's. 

Other dreams tend to come and go, often depending on imbalances in my life.  I do dream of taking working holidays and volunteering to help those in need.  I do sometimes think of getting back into my profession.  I also sometimes think about honing my writing practice and seeing where it takes me.  There's plenty of time for all these aspirations.  For now, I'll keep moving in baby steps, keeping these larger hopes in the backdrop as I do my best to be mindful of the time at hand.

The year to come

After dreaming big and looking backwards, I'm now thinking about goals and ideas that are almost close enough to touch.  These are the things I would like to check off my to-do list in the next year...they are the little baby steps that when put together add up to a lot.  Plus, to satisfy my "business" brain, I think it will be fairly easy to evaluate at the end of the year whether I achieved these goals or if they didn't pan out.

I mentioned yesterday how there were two main challenges I wanted to address this year.  The first was self-care.  To me, self-care means taking care of my body so that it will be stronger and more resilient as I get older.  It means taking care of my mind and heart so that I can greet the day with a smile.  By taking care of myself, I will be better able to take care my little ones.  Staying active and healthy as I get older will also inspire my little ones to take care of themselves, as they see that it is just something that we do in our house - it is normalized.

So what exactly does taking better care of myself look like?  First, it looks like going to bed at a more reasonable hour.  That way, I can get up 45 minutes earlier to fit in a workout before the children get up.  My workouts are varied - I alternate between doing yoga and either running or spinning.  To keep me motivated, I'm planning to sign up for a mini triathlon (scheduled for June) and a 10 kilometer run (scheduled for September).

I also want to give more attention to my relationship with my husband.  We've been like two ships passing in the night, which isn't a good way to keep something good strong.  Part of it has been increased travel and a new role on his end, and mine has been squeezing those hours after the children go to bed for all their worth.  We're working on setting aside at least one night a month to go out together...alone.  Date nights for January and February are set.   We've also planned a family vacation for March, which will help us all connect a little better with this wonderful man in our lives.

What else is on the list for this year?  There are plans to expand the garden and process more of our food this year (as we try to help the Earth just a little more).  I'm planning to enjoy working with my hands by knitting up a sweater for me, sewing some awesome clothes for little ones here who continue to grow, and continuing to make homemade gifts for our loved ones (sending out lots of love vibes to those we hold dear).  It is my wish to continue learning this homeschooling gig with my children (because really, the world must be a better place in that very instant that a child is born, and it's up to us to model parenting and give them a childhood worth savouring so the next generation can benefit as well).

Yes, this list of goals for the year will lead to full days.  If something comes up and a goal needs to be postponed to another time, that's fine.  The definition of success may need to be adjusted to accommodate whatever life has thrown at us.  The goals aren't meant to restrict grabbing opportunities when they come up or be so inflexible that I feel bound and chained by them.  The point of the goals is to provide some focus and direction when making decisions about how I use my time.  Like I said, these are my small baby steps towards that life vision.    

A glance behind

Yesterday I wrote about dreaming big and reaffirming my life vision as we roll into the new year.  While those dreams were future-oriented, I've also been reflecting on the year that was.  There have been successes, challenges and surprises.   There have been old cherished traditions kept alive and new ones added to the mix. 

Why do I spend a few moments looking backwards?  Part of the reason for looking in the rearview mirror is to see where we've come from and how we've grown.  The other part of the reason is to acknowledge areas I've struggled with and resolve to make changes to lessen their impact.

It makes my heart feel light, even gleeful, as I think about how my hands, heart and mind have worked together in ways they never have before.  I've learned to be more authentic in how I mother my children.  In fact, I feel that I've been privileged to observe the inner workings of these precious children - I'm experienced them like I never have before.  I've felt a peace settle over our home.  We've all learned by doing.  We've met new friends.  We've opened up the space to experiment and take chances, and we've made this place called home safe for flops to happen.  These are characteristics I want to make sure stick around in the coming year - and the first step to doing that well is to articulate and acknowledge them.

When I consider the challenges, I do not berate myself and feel down about them.  Rather, I like to consider the source of those challenges and whether adjustments need to be made so they don't happen as often.  As I think back on the past year, I can classify all the little things under one big banner - balance.  Our decision to homeschool was a big change for us.  It has definitely been with its rewards, and it has also moved to my attention to being focussed solely on the children.  As a result, I've neglected taking care of myself or my relationship with my sweetheart.  I feel the strong desire to raise my children, yet my mind reminds me that it takes a village to raise children and it is essential that they grow in a warm circle of caring, compassionate fellow "villagers".

Tomorrow I'll write about goals for the next few years, and we'll see how those big dreams and the glance backwards come together. 

Life vision

I like the act of removing last year's calendar and putting up the new one, especially when there isn't a single mark in it.  The year is wide open to us - no perceived commitments, places to go, items to be checked off the list.  A new calendar signals a fresh start, and grants permission for a mama like me to set aside some time to revel in dreaming about the year and years to come.

I've been finding little niches of time here and there to put pen to paper and articulate my dreaming.  And the first place my thoughts carried me was to what my vision of my life was.  The question itself is simple - when my time left on this Earth is over, what do I want to have left behind?  What do I want my legacy to be?  What is the end that I want to move towards, so that I can better spend my life energy?

I love this big-picture stuff, which I think I've always been good at but didn't really know it until near the end of my paid working days.  In my younger years, I remember knowing with absolute certainty where I wanted to be in five-years time and then laying out the path to get there.  Later on, I remember the luxury of hours researching trends, stakeholder needs, and being able to see the future of my department with such clarity.  In dreams, and in the future, things can be just about perfect.

The difference between those dreams and the ones I have now is that my time horizon is much longer.  I'm not confined to a five year strategic plan.  I (hopefully) have lots of time to take action to live out my vision.  Which means that my life vision needs to be broader than "earn a Chartered Accountant designation".  And I'm not confined to just one aspect of my life that I hold dear - whether it be caring for my family, caring for our Earth, living creatively, or being a productive member of society.  It needs to be a vision that brings all that together.

Some experts believe it takes a lot of time to craft a simple, meaningful vision statement.  And perhaps it does - maybe the fact that I haven't been writing down all my ideas and options misleads me in the amount of time I've spent pondering my life vision statement.  But in all my thinking and dreaming, I knew I'd found the statement that resonated with me most the second it entered my head.  My vision statement:

"I will use my life energy to make the world a better place."

I know this vision statement isn't laced with lingo, likely isn't remotely original, and lacks a way to objectively measure how well it's been achieved.  I simply shrug my shoulders at these minor inconveniences - indeed, I smile when I see my life vision statement in print.  It fills me with hope and promise.  It makes it worth getting up tomorrow morning.  It lets me stay true to my utopian soul.  It speaks to me.  It gives me room to maneuver and for it to remain unwavering, regardless of what twists and turns life throws onto the road.  I feel in my bones and deep in my soul that I've got my life vision right, as I consider that it hasn't changed over the past few years - it fits like a favorite pair of jeans. 

What's your life vision?

A week in pictures

The camera didn't come out often this week, so I give to you a favorite moment from the week where the camera did come out.

A winter walk with two of my loves

Enjoy your weekend!

Settling back in

The holiday season that was threw quite the kink into our normal routine.  Late bedtimes meant late risers.  While I'm so thankful that we're able to let our children sleep in and get the rest they need, I do feel the need to get on with the day, and that we're missing part of it if we aren't moving soon after the sun rises (which I must admit, I am happily enjoying right now as I write this post and sip on a cup of tea).

Today, my husband heads back to work, so the sleep-ins are definitely over for two of us.  Yesterday, we celebrated the last day of our holiday together by going snowshoeing.  It was a relatively tepid day in our part of the world, and there was enough snow for us to blaze our own trail in the park, which is always fun (and a little tiring).  We hid amongst the trees like animals, evaded the enemy in another scene from the war of 1812, and became naturalists when we found parts of a fallen wasp nest.  When all were done, we headed for home and enjoyed a cup of tea, some nuts, and cookies.  It was a pretty good way to end our holiday together.

Stay tuned for our dreams for 2013!

Cooperative games

We have an interesting mixture of personalities when it comes to playing games.  There are some that get very upset when things don't work out exactly as planned, there are some who like helping their fellow competitors, and there are others who thrive on being cunning.  While I would love for everyone to be happy and helpful every time we play a game, that's just not where we're at right now.

So, imagine how heart-happy this mama is when we break out a cooperative game.  What is a cooperative game, you ask?  Well, essentially, all the players are on the same team and have a common goal that they need to work together collaboratively to achieve.  Sharing is strongly encouraged, as is discussing strategy.   We have a couple of these games, both designed by Family Pastimes, and they can be challenging to successfully complete.

The latest game to enter our game cupboard is called Let's Go Hiking.  In a nutshell, the objective of the game is for the hikers to take as many pictures of wildlife, while simultaneously trying not to scare the animals away.  There are problems to be solved too and the hiking group eventually needs to make it to the guest lodge before nightfall. 

We cracked out this game for the first time today, and enjoyed our time together.  The game takes less than an hour to complete, there are a few learning opportunities scattered amongst the strategy, and everyone gets to participate in a meaningful way.  While the game is rated for children older than 9, we found that Jaelyn had no problem contributing in our team setting.

We wish you and your loved ones a wonderful 2013 full of new discoveries, old favorites, and time shared together.